Rationality

6 years….

You still strike fear into me so deeply that I want to run and keep running. The distance between us is not enough….

You are the reason I’m afraid to come home.

The thief, the conqueror, the beguiling tormentor that you were towards un-innocence and I turn to the reality I have now and see the fragile strings holding it together. You always had a knife in your hand, when you offered your palm in feigned peace.

I’m afraid of you.

No one believes me.

Physically I am powerful. Physically I overcome gravity in ways that beget roaring crowds and yet….yet…

There you are. And all strength I have settles into the bottom of my shoes and I’m weighted. Immovable in the face of unstoppable and we both know.

We both know.

The day you come for me will be my last.
No one will believe me.
And the world will turn in a way that will break what you left behind for me to use.

I’m afraid to sleep. Afraid that when I do you will be there smiling at me.

I hate you for this. For this shadow over my world. I hate you for it because I cannot trust you to leave me alone. You never could.

Could never face the blame, so you changed me and then blamed the change and now I am here.

Fearing you.

Fearing you will destroy me in your quest to destroy the vestiges of responsibility for your own lot in this world.

All rationality points that my fear will never come to fruition.

But your rationality has left too many scars to ignore.

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