Learning a New Word

I’m better,
at saying no to your eyes.
Every time they enter my mind,
all I hear is the no slip right by.
It falls over my lips
the way I love you once did.
Full of the grace, of everything I have to give,
when your face comes to the fore,
no, is what stops you at my door.

I used to hate the night
lying alone, wishing nothing more
than to hear you whisper again.
Because, once upon a time,
you whispered love into my dreaming mind.
And no simply never existed.
But, as it is so inclined to do,
time slipped by, taking that love in its stride.
And no became a shining knight
against the nightmares you left behind.

No, to your version of love.
No, to the cruelty you deny.
No, to every single lie.
No, to the memory of your relieved goodbye.
No, to you unapologetically casting me aside.

No, to the longing that filled my chest.
No, to the hatred burning inside.
No, to every wish I would die.
No, to every single time you destroyed my light.
No, to every time you blamed your problems on my mind,

No,

no to you occupying another second of my life.
Undeserving I was,
of the cruelty in your heart.
Undeserving was I,
of the moment you entered my life.

Yet no… I would not go back.
I wouldn’t change the hand of time.
Because you did give me one beautiful gift.
I learned to say no to the destruction of my life.
No to the abuse of my trust, of my heart.
No to the cruelty of cowardice of a liar.
No, to the violence inflicted on my mind,
that litters the road of my passing life.
No to anything, no to love,
that won’t bring beauty to my life.

I’ve gotten better,
at saying no to your memory,
and placing it where it belongs.
I’ll live like you never existed,
live like you never tried,
to crush the light in my smile.
I’ll wear No, like a badge of honor,
and wield it with the respect of a solemn vow
to love myself, and others,
like you’ll never again know.

One thought on “Learning a New Word

  1. I relate to this so very much. It took so long to say no to my first love, in the way you mean no. Just, no…. ugh. I love this. Thank you.

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