I love you…I loved you
Not really sure what I feel
The damage never registered,
Never getting the chance to heal.
But you are both in my mind,
as I lazily retrace steps down memory lines,
and I know the truth, deep and cruel.
With you I was laying by unjust rules,
With you I played the game too cool,
and I’m not sure if a heart can be fixed
or if new layers just cover the damage,
I just left behind my own bandages,
Loving the broken skin I live in
I re-learned what it meant to love yours,
and I admit I missed your taste,
but there is something I have to say, to avoid being remiss.
Forgive the out of blue, it is the best for you
I’m finding out who I was the whole time,
I loved you when I was in her arms,
I thought I had loved her from the start.
But I don’t want these hopes to rise,
This role is not one I plan to ever reprise,
I just ran out with no intentions to return
I just owed you more than late night phone calls.
It was you at the beginning,
aging skin hold the marks
I knew it was so wrong, I forgot to say it
When it was the truth all along.
I was not good enough at the time.
I am damaged, cruelly broken and beaten.
I know the monster I became.
So it’s time for me to spin and tack the tale
a few months after that ridiculous phone call
I knew a truth I didn’t dare dream,
You didn’t deserve the best of me.
For at my worse, for the monster I had become
Nothing will ever be as cruel as the day you told me
“just kill yourself already, and be done…”
No memory hurts more than you when you called me
and whispered “I love you”, as you lay next to her.
The memories fade with the coolness of the empty bed,
and your face slips from my eyes, and I whisper
Te digo te amo and with a smile,
I close my eyes, and dream of goodbye.