Day 8: Frantic Phone Calls and a Heartbreak Moment

If anyone has been paying attention to the news there was a significant amount of tornadoes and storms brewing in my neighboring states. Actually, the tornadoes formed a U-shaped pattern around me, hitting multiple states except my own of which I am grateful for since I am not up to re-enacting a scene out of Twister (which I watched again for the 3rd time last night on Fail-Flix).

I believe one news report said there was a total of 16 tornadoes, and we are looking at more in the upcoming days. As such begins my day as my mother calls me asking me about my emergency plans and if I’m safe…well let me paint the picture….

I just woke up so I’m groggily (is that a word??) standing in my kitchen preparing my breakfast/lunch/early supper before I head off to work when I hear my phone going off in my room. I ignore it because one: I just woke up, and two: I have eggs cooking on my stove. However, the phone goes off again and I really don’t want to listen to my ringtone again so I run (exaggerations!) into my room and grab my phone from my bed (because who doesn’t fall asleep with their laptops and other electronics in their bed?). The little dialogue box tells me it is my mother and I answer with a grumbled hello as I run (this time not exaggerated) back into the kitchen to stop my eggs from overcooking. I get the obligatory “did I wake you?” question from my mother, and after reassuring her that I was already awake while mourning the overdone eggs I am about to eat (was too tired to think to turn down the bloody heat), my mother asks me if I am alright. As I look down at my grey wife-beater and boxers that make up my pajamas, thinking I am as alright as I can be in my early morning attire (my early morning…your late afternoon early evening), my mother proceeds to tell me about the tornadoes.

Now, since I am on the second floor of a house that has been separated into two apartments, my emergency plan goes as follows:

Plan A: Haul my ass, like a grizzly bear (news reference) is charging after me like I’m its main course, downstairs and body slam my way through two locked doors to reach the basement that I hope doesn’t flood while I’m seeking shelter; and pray that the house doesn’t topple down on me like I’m the wicked witch’s sister.

Plan B: If I am unable to get downstairs I am grabbing my pillows and blanket and tossing myself into my claw-foot tub and will pray that the tornado doesn’t toss me too far away.

Plan C: Chug my vodka and kiss my happy ass goodbye. Notice there will be no praying for this scenario.

I try to find the bright side of situations as often as possible.

I of course do not tell these plans to my mother, but I reassure her that I will do everything possible to make sure I don’t end up stranded on some yellow brick road with a talking scarecrow, a rusty tin man, and a giant pussy….cat….

Which then leads me to my closed blinds (because sunlight bugs me when I’m sleeping) and I am presented with a rainy/snowy…dammit I have to drive in this crap…image of my street. After angrily biting into my overdone egg sandwich I get off the phone with my mom and proceed with my day….which would have been like any normal crappy day if the wind wasn’t trying to blow my car into the next century. It is quite disconcerting when giant metal poles are swaying in the wind like grass in a breeze. I really shouldn’t say swaying….more like bending and scrapping the tops of Semi’s.

Cue in 8 hours of people crying about the weather as I sit in my seat and try to look like I’m actually doing something besides watching the clock tick away. When the big boss leaves I pull out my Ipod, only to discover I left my charger at home (on my bed, with my laptop, all snug). I put my 5,000 song collection on random and proceed to attempt to write something more than “I’m a shitty writer” fifty times in a row, when my phone starts to vibrate…wanky……anyway I look down to see 3 texts, one from my aunt who saw a joke about the chicken crossing the road and it made her think of me……yup…

one from my fav baby gay boy who I adore and laugh because he always texts me when he’s dealing with some drama from the women’s studies department or needs some advice. I’m his fairy yoda……yup…..

And one from my bestie just telling me she lurves me…and I lurve her too…

So I laugh and text for a few hours while making sure no cars or witches are flying around my work site, and suddenly I’m hit with this sudden sadness. I deal with chronic depression all the time, but it still doesn’t ease the shock to my system when my good moods crash like that. My heart squeezed in my chest as I fought back the anxiety of not being good enough, not having any direction, and being unsure if I will be able to survive the next few months on my pitiful salary. It would be fine if it didn’t all hit me at once…but it did, and I sat in my seat fighting against tears as I struggled to control the panic and sadness welling in me.

A few hours later and I’m back to normal….well as normal as I can be….I threw myself into this story I’m writing for ha ha’s, and I just pounded out the pain against the keyboard. Sometimes I can fight the heartbreak at being nothing in my life this way, and sometimes I fail and do something stupid and reckless, but I figured mother nature was being reckless enough for the both of us today.

Only spoke about Facebook 5 times today….just talking to people about how the first week went without it and whatnot. I think today I’m going to spend my afternoon (your reeaally early morning, or tomorrow depending upon where in the world you are) reading really good, and reeaally bad, fanfiction. Yup, my second guilty pleasure….it’s like reading those trashy romance novels, but about characters from shows I actually care about. ^_^

So question for you today: Who would you rather hang out with: the wicked witch of the west? or Glinda?

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