So I don’t find it at all crazy to be writing this letter to you…granted you can’t read it, respond, or even tell me that you received it.Heck, you can’t even write, but I miss you and these letters make me feel better. I miss the way we would cuddle; the way you would lie across my back when I surfed the web, or how you would prop her head over my shoulder to look at the screen with me. It was always fun watching you look at something that confused you. You always would tilt your head to the side before becoming disinterested and going back to whatever you were originally doing.
I missed our time together. I miss how you would come sprinting into my bedroom, and jumping up onto my bed to wake me up in the morning. You’d gently slap my face and yell at me until I opened my eyes and acknowledged you. How about when I would get home? And you’d run down the hall in front of me and into my room. You always waited until I gave you permission to jump up onto the bed and you would begin to tell me all about your day. The last time you did that, you didn’t realize until we got into the room that something was different. The bed wasn’t made the way you had been used to it being made. The room was bare. You were confused because just the night before everything was as it always had been. You looked up at me and my heart broke. I couldn’t take you with me; a 1200 mile road trip would have been too much for you, but the thought of leaving you behind was always too much to bear.
You were always there for me when I was sick, or scared, or hurting. The time I came home from college out of the blue, you just knew something was wrong. Mom had run out of the house in the middle of the night, and a few hours later had come back with me right behind her. As I cried on my bed the absolute mental pain causing actual physical pain to my body had become too much, and you came slowly into my room to check on me. I remember watching the door slowly open, and your head popped around the corner, your eyes searching for me. I held up the blanket and you came running in, and burrowed against me. You allowed me to wrap my arm around your tummy, and I felt your warmth seep into my check as you laid with me. You never spoke, but you knew I was hurting, and you stayed with me all night.
I appreciated that from you. I was so excited to see you when I came home last christmas that I know I shocked you when I picked you up and spun you around. I mean, you do know all of my secrets. You struggled to get out of my arms because I had disturbed you, but I just laughed and danced around the house with you. Don’t tell mom this, but I miss you more than anything back in NY. I miss your voice, and your softness. I miss your big eyes and your totally badassery.
You are what….10, 11 years old now? I remember when you first came home. You were so tiny, and mom was always checking on you because of how little you were, but I knew you were a fighter. I named you Serena because you reminded me of Sailor Moon. Ditzy and klutzy, but fierce and powerful. I have enough scars to prove your temperament. But you were mine, and I held you close to me as I watched you grow. I didn’t appreciate you until I got older, but I loved you like you loved all of us. You are my baby-girl, I can’t help but love you.
So I’m writing this letter to tell you how many good memories I have of you. Of when you fell out of the window because you leaned your butt against it, or the look on your face after a bath. My favorite was when you pounced on Sandy because she dared to intrude on your space. You are crazy, but I love you. But truly, it is to remind myself about how blessed I am that you are in my life. How warm, and safe, you have always made me feel, even when you were angry.
I see your picture everyday on my phone. I see your big yellow eyes, and your beautiful face fully covered in black fur except the little spot on your forehead and your white goatee. My favorite is your little white bikini on your underbelly. You always get into the most lady-like poses when you clean yourself or when you sleep. Through it all my beautiful ‘rena, you have been a loyal, loving cat and I miss you so much. I hope mom reads this to you, even if it makes her feel silly, and I hope you know how much you mean to me. So be good, don’t kill Tigger, and stay away from the window.
With all my heart,