Forgive Me of My Trespasses

I don’t belong
to you
or this place
I love you more that I can ever say,
But I don’t belong
Never have.
So when I ask you, to understand,
to let go, I am asking you
for your love,
your forgiveness
Because I must trespass against you
in order to become what you see.
There is something inside of me,
screaming for acknowledgment,
screaming to be seen,
and I can’t do this here,
I am not meant to be
part of this world where you and I
meet up for late lunches,
and talk until dinner.
I don’t belong in the world
where your laughter and tears
mingle in a small room that bursts
with love that transcends a generation.
I don’t belong on the line of battle,
blasting forward against enemies
we are told to hate.
I don’t belong amongst those
yearning for change.
I’m just the visitor, the season,
leaving muddy footprints
that are the only evidence of my existence.

I don’t belong in your hugs,
or in your bed.
Not yet,
I haven’t earned that respect,
because there is something I must do
Before the memory of me
can be taken from the wind.
My absence should not be felt this way.
I don’t belong, so forgive my misunderstanding.
I never stay for long.
I beg you to see this truth in my eyes,
as you burn me with questions of why.
The doors only open one way for me in this life,
punishment for past lives taken for granted.
I must continue on.
And yes, my dear soothsayer, I am running

I am running because I am not allowed to walk away
Lest I let these chains sink heavily into the soft ground
I have found myself standing upon these days.
But I have a deep love for this place,
one I have never known,
It was always easier when I was hated.
But I must move on,
for I don’t belong to this place.
My reflection cannot live in your eyes.
I must do this to survive,
I’m looking for my reasons why,
I’m looking for answers, without the questions
and I’m searching,
because I don’t belong here
It isn’t meant.
Something more is out there,
I must find it
I must.

Forgive me

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