My 24 hour days are something like my calendars, completely off but utterly normal in my mind. My year starts in September and ends in June, with two months just floating around for my own amusement. I never quite understood why January marked the beginning of the year. It comes in the middle of a season, and it is usually filled with bitter cold and comes in the middle of a holiday gauntlet that leaves me hating food and people.

Due to this, I’m quite content in my mindset. September marks the end of Summer and the beginning of Fall, so it is a great jumping off point. School usually starts around the beginning of September, and well my birthday is in the general vicinity of the month so in all fairness September truly does mark my beginnings quite well. So, in the same respect of my calendar, my days follow similar patterns. My days usually start around 2pm….usually…..and will end somewhere near 8am with 6 hours just floating around in the cosmos. Because of this I am rarely awake/active, what have you, during one actual day. For example….My day starts at 2pm on a Friday, and Ends at 8am on a Saturday. 2 different dates/days for many, many people, but my Fraturday is one day for me….

you like that? I just made it up…not too dorky for someone who should be sleeping right now.

This occurrence in my life is due to my insomnia and/or work schedules. I normally work 4 to midnight, but lately have been pulling ridiculous overtime hours (4pm to 4am with an 8-12 hour turnaround, 6 days a week).

Dollar dollar bills y’all.

I definitely should be asleep, but the fumes from the rubber cement and super glue I used to MacGyver my bed are keeping me awake.

Now, I know what you are thinking….how the hell do I know who MacGyver is…but c’mon, I am not a normal 24-year-old. I am still not afraid to admit that I loved Barney The Dinosaur.

To make a long story…well less long, I sleep on an air mattress. My beautiful, comfortable, wonderful full size bed is currently living with my cats, who are 1200 miles away. My 4 door sedan just couldn’t handle the trip I took to Iowa with my mattress, and since I refused to buy a mattress and leave it behind, my ex-fiance was kind enough to buy me an air mattress. It does its job so I don’t have too many complaints…

except with a real mattress you really don’t have to worry about puncture issues. The last 3 days have found me in the middle of a polyester (or whatever this damn thing is made of ) taco as a 2 centimeter hole pumped the air out of my queen-sized mattress (My ex-fiance is wonderful to me). I used the little patch things to try to fix the hole and it just wouldn’t work. 3 days I would wake up every few hours to refill my bed. My sad, sad life. Until today I got fed up and decided to Bogart some supplies from work to fix my bed. Which would have been fine if my job had what I needed. So after leaving work at 5:30 this morning (late night for me), I pull myself into the parking lot of the nearest Wal-Marx and grab rubber cement and super glue, because damn it I would gum up that hole if it was the last thing I ever did, and with these fumes it just might be. So, at 6am, I find myself deflating what is left of my bed, and gobbing on ridiculous amounts of glue and patches to put an end to the tyranny of this 2cm hole.

Thankfully it worked and I won’t have to purchase a new “bed”. But now I’m being fumed out of my room, which sucks……

especially since a certain skinny, Puerto Rican, I swear to go I’m going to beat him, woke me up today panicking about tornadoes and asking if I was safe. Now to test your 5th grade geography skills….

I am currently in Corn-Capital of the Planet, Iowa. I have been here for more than half a year….There was a going away party…which everyone lamented my sudden move to middle america……I.O.W.A…….my little Puerto Rican huepa was there, begging me to stay, and telling me that it is illegal to remove all the sexy I had in me from New York…..yes he is a strange child……So imagine my seething rage at being woken from  my wonderful dream (day 2 of sexy wife dream btw)…..to discuss tornadoes in Indiana…..

If you don’t know your geography, the states go…Iowa…Illinois….Indiana. I am nooooooooowhere near Indiana….as I explain this to him I get this response..

Oh, I couldn’t remember which of the “I” states you lived in.

I love this boy….but I wanted to kill him….especially since he asked me what I was doing and I explained my whole I sleep during the day, up at night, and dammit this is my fraturday leave me alone! (I will make it catch on!!). A quick goodnight ends the convo, but I am left laying in my rapidly deflating bed wondering why god hates me so much.

I feel it is a legitimate question.

So I leave my day ten with this….

How do you get superglue off your hands? I know nail polish works, but is there any other way?(yes, in my desire for sleep I somehow managed to get super glue all over my hands, and rubber cement in my hair…DON”T ASK!)