Seriously, my muscles never cramped this way when I was curling 80lb weights everyday….ridiculous.
I am now the proud owner of not 1, but two, deep blue bruises that make me look like a newbie crack-head. It wouldn’t be so bad if I could extend my arms without being in pain, but nope, pain. Lots of it.
Now, let me make one thing clear, I can handle pain. I walked for 2 months on a partially torn ACL. I tore all the ligaments in my ankle and was joking around with the woman wheeling me out of the warehouse where I got hurt. I stopped an 8lb shot put with my shin. I took a 35lb weight to my thigh. Me and pain go way back. But this crap hurts and I am not a happy camper.
I am also slightly sleep-deprived, and when I say slightly I mean I haven’t actually slept more than 2 consecutive hours in the last 48. As such, my temper and my filter have been flung hatefully to the wayside, and I have issued warnings to all those in my life that if I am brought any bullshit that I will not be held responsible for the ensuing carnage.
Working today was like trying to moonwalk through quicksand. Yup, roll that image around for a second. By 5:30 my head was drooping and I was staring out through half-lidded eyes. One reluctant energy drink later (I’m waiting for my heart to explode), I was awake enough to make sure my job didn’t blow up or burn down. That is when the Drama Llama visited me, and for 6 hours my elevated blood pressure kept me awake.
My ex-girlfriend/best friend didn’t get the memo this evening when she texted me that she was engaged to her girlfriend of a couple weeks….same said girlfriend that she was planning on dumping 2 weeks ago.
Now…..a good friend would be happy for her.
A best friend would tell her that she was stupid, but that they still loved her.
Guess which one I am.
So ensuing fight occurs with “why can’t you support me’s” and “dear mother of god I am fucking exhausted and in pain, can’t this bullshit wait?” moments filling up a 45 minute stretch where I am actually grateful I had work to do. Honestly, a part of me doesn’t give a shit. I’m too tired to care. Another good friend of mine is getting married on the 17th and I have to miss the wedding because I am in corn-country, making this the second wedding in 6 months that I have had to miss. I’m in pain…I’m tired….and honestly I’m sick of unnecessary drama.
Now I know what you might think….you are the girl’s best friend…and I am. I do support her, even when I think she is being a complete fool; I support her. But I rarely sugar coat issues with close friends. It’s full-blown, no-holds bar, knockdown honesty that makes you weep in your Sunday bowl of cereal. There are 3 women in my life who have been brutally honest with me, and as much as it stings, it is necessary. The world is sometimes too….cushy….Social etiquette means shit when everyone walks around with their thumbs up their asses and their heads in the clouds.
So, instead of getting dragged into a fight with her, and after calling her out on treating me like my last girlfriend did which effectively shut her up, I finished my work and I proceeded to spend the next few hours texting my friend who started my 40 day challenge adventure. I love this girl. She is sweet, and honest, and a badass. We don’t talk too often, but we always find each other when we have good news, or bad news, to share. This girl has seen me at my absolute worse, has called me out on it, and has always stuck by my side, even when I was wrong. She is a great friend, and I am lucky to have her. So I unloaded on her for a few hours, then she unloaded on me, until it was time for her to go to bed and for me to finish up my shift. But we both came to the consensus that women are crazy….
But we love them so…le sigh.
Seriously people, just because a friend doesn’t agree with you, or doesn’t approve of a lifestyle choice or hell…a decision you made, doesn’t mean they don’t support you. It is a douche-bag thing to sit there and tell them they are shitty friends because they tell you their honest opinion. If you don’t like it, don’t ask for honest opinions, or go out and get placating friends. I may be a bitch like that, but I’d rather be a bitch than be fake. It took me a long time to understand what being a genuine person is, and how to choose battles, and I am not going to be fake just to avoid conflicts.
I’m still slightly pissed off if you can’t tell. I frickin hate the Drama Llama. He follows me wherever I go. This is why I jumped at the chance to get rid of facebook. A few news articles I had read about people disconnecting from social media spoke about how big of a stressor social networks are, and I was hoping to experience the same aspect. For the most part, I have. I’m slightly more relaxed, more focused, and feeling wholly better about myself. I kind of wish I extended the Facebook blackout to include my cell-phone. I have no use for high school dramatics in my life, and although I will always be willing to hash out issues, because being adult doesn’t mean you can be an asshole and ignore problems when they arise, I can’t bring myself to give a damn about much these days. People are still fighting for civil rights that were fought for over a 100 years ago, our country is still divided amongst political lines, and more wars are brewing…being upset with me because I didn’t jump for joy about a rash decision seems miniscule in comparison. Grrrraahhh
I’m going to sleep now. I might be more coherent tomorrow and might be able to look at this issue at a different angle, maybe even be nicer about the whole she-bang…I’m just pissed that my ex/friend knew I was exhausted, and still attempted to start something with me…That is just stupid.
So until then: Oíche Mhaith.
Question of the day:
What do you think of the expression, friends exist either for a reason, a season or a lifetime?